You spend a lot of time worrying about how this outcome will affect the next 10, 20, 30 years of your life. While that proves to be a fantastic motivating tool now, you're training this brain of ours to work very effectively only in short-term bursts. Hardened pathways are more difficult to re-route. Instead, work to retain! You can do so much more than barfing all that information in a heap as quickly as possible!
It's not just fear of a future in a cardboard box that motivates you - it's the fear of others seeing that you aren't as smart as they think you are. You'll read an article many years later*, describing the brain as an elastic muscle. The article will laud your effort as the deciding factor of your outcomes, not your inherent ability. Understand this and you will care less about how you are perceived. You will be free to take more risks, to show that you don't have all the answers. To ask more questions and really figure things out. It's okay. Very few, if any, are waiting to pounce.
Also, stop it with the straightening iron and start deadlifting. You'll be happier for it.
*Or maybe you won't read that article, what with the possibility of an alternate timeline being brought on upon receipt of this note...